My uncle passed away 4/12/07 due to medical malpractice. He was only 52. My family, including myself, is still grieving. This is still the hardest thing in our lives to get over. My uncle was the heart and soul of our family and the party & vacation planner. My family is going on our annual family vacation to Mullet Lake, MI in July. My uncle would always do all the planning for this, so it's really a special time this year. My uncle loved to wear hawaiian shirts. So my mom ordered an authentic hawaiian lai from Hawaii. The plan is to take the boat out into the middle of the lake, have everyone tell a Steve story and then toss the lai into the lake. My husband just dosen't understand why we "memorialize" my uncle. When I told him this plan, he said "Doing stuff like this makes grieving worse. It won't bring him back". The fact is it does help our family. This is how we remember him. My husband lost his dad in October 06 and hasn't shed a tear. How can I make him realize
Shorty
You cant make him realize your pain...maybe hes still hurting from his own that he holds anger...but tell him that reguardless of how he views how your and your family grieve he should still support you as your husband
Phia
some people jus cant deal with the heartache death can bring. So they chose to ignore it. Your husband doesn't understand becuse he does not know how. You and your family need to continue with this and even make a tradition out of it. Keep his memory alive.
4X4BABE
I think your husband is obviously going through some emotional turmoils himself. From what you explained about his lack of emotion when his father passed, I'm guessing there is probably a lot more scarring underneath the surface that he is keeping bottled up. I would recommend some counseling for you, and your husband so he can better cope with his own feelings and let all that pent up emotion out, before he can start to comprehend yours. I think the reason for your husband trying to avoid any "memorializing" is because he's afraid of what emotions can arise from his past that he doesn't want anyone to witness. He needs to learn that it's best to celebrate the lives of your loved ones rather than mourn their departure, and to let those feelings out or they'll only get worse. I wish you the best.
Good Luck
Shay
I think that sounds Like a beauitful memory to do for your uncle, and anything you do in memory of him will always be remembered by you, and your family, and if it help you to do what reminds you of him, then do it, because your doing for you, to make you feel better. Im going through kind of the same thing. I just recently lost my daughter, and I have her father not wanting to have any momories, I don't know if it's too hard on him or what, but I do what makes me happy, and you should too. Im so sorry about your loss...God Bless you.
swotstar
Perhaps he is a bit annoyed that all this stuff is being done 4 your uncle that wasnt necesairily done for his dad? (Just guessin here)
Stormy
You poor dear. I certainly have empathy for you. I lost my Father just over 11 years ago now and I still have my moments of grief. It sounds to me that your Uncle Steve was quite the special man.
I don't know why your husband does not understand all this, but I do. My best guess would be to try to get him to undertsand that the only way your family will get any kind of closure is to go on this first vacation without Steve so you can memorialize him.
It really has been just only one year and I'm sure that for several months in between it was rough at times.
My mother always told me that you have to get through the 4 Seasons of the year first..then it gets easier. You can identify will all the changes in the weather a certain something that he was to you in your life and therefore it makes those times so hard. But now after the first year has come, things will start to get a little easier.
Your family needs to have their closure and taking a family vacation is defiantely a good choice. Steve would want you to all keep on keeping on, ya know? I think it is quite admirable that you all love him so much to do this for him. It is a wonderful idea.
Please let your husband know that things will get better...
Unfortunately it sounds like your husband may have some hidden grief himself..and that makes it harder for him because maybe he feels like he should be grieving hard like you are but (for his Dad). And since he's not..he don't understand that you could be and he just can't. I can also relate to this because it took me a long time to actually come to full terms after losing my Dad. I would say it was probably a good 5 years before I really got hit hard with grief. For the first 5 years I was in so much pain and I think I was in shock. (That doesn't mean it's going to take him that long to understand you.)
You do what you have to do and try to explain how this vacation can bring some kind of closure and ask him to please either participate in it or just be supportive. Tell him you ALL need this! Good luck to you hun and God bless you and your family. I'm so sorry about your loss.
Orignal From: My husband dosen't understand the grief I'm still going through.?
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