My sister is 21 years old and is living with her boyfriend of 2 years and they have a 7 1/2 month old child together. The environment they are living in is terrible for a child and they are not doing anything besides taking care of the baby's most basic needs- feeding, diaper changing, etc. My sister does not work. Her boyfriend can't hold a job for more than a couple months. He got fired from a fast food job for smoking pot outside while he was on the clock, he got fired from a manual labor job for breaking equipment and being careless, he broke his foot and had to get surgery which made him lose time from another fast food job, and broke his other foot shortly after returning to work from the first injury and tried to sue (unsuccessfully) for workman's comp (which seems VERY fishy).
So, neither of them are working or have a vehicle. They have a cell phone which my parents pay for, so they can get in touch with my sister and see their grandson. They always seem to have money for cigarettes and somehow manage to have marijuana as well, but rarely have food. They have recently been completely out of formula and diapers for the baby. They do receive WIC and EBT help, but my sister's BF buys groceries for other people so he can get money, so they often run out of food. We suspect him of selling formula that they get with EBT as well, because they know my family will step in and pay for things for the baby.
They are unable to get the baby in for his 6 month check-up (and the baby is almost 8 months old now) because they neglected to pay the $ 12 a month they have set up to pay medical expenses. And, as I said, they always have cigarettes.
My parents have supplied my sister with reputable parenting books, but she hasn't so much as cracked one open. The baby was crying and a friend suggested he may be teething, and what do you know, when my sister checked he had a tooth coming through. She had no idea he could be teething already. She didn't know that he should be able to sit up on his own already. She didn't know he should be eating some solid foods already. The baby rarely gets bathed. Every time he comes over to my parents' he has dirt in his skin folds around his neck, dirt under his long fingernails, etc.
The lifestyle my sister and her boyfriend live is not great. They constantly have people over at their tiny, dirty apartment. Nearly all of them use drugs of some sort and do so in the apartment (marijuana is all we've seen evidence of). If there is money or if there are people that will pay for things for them there is drinking, drugs, etc. They commonly are up until the wee hours of the morning and sleep all day, making it hard for the baby to have a normal schedule.
We keep waiting for my sister to shape up and want to be a better mom, but her boyfriend ends up telling her what to do, and she blindly listens to him instead of us. We either keep our mouths shut or get into fights. We've had social worker friends tell us things may change and we should be careful about if we report her. We don't even know if thing are bad enough to report. There is no physical abuse as far as we know. There have been no incidents where the baby was hurt or anything from negligence.
My family always makes sure the baby is healthy and he will stay at my parents' for a night or two every once in a while. My sister is obviously depressed and clinging to her relationship with her boyfriend who has done nothing to merit any respect or trust. My parents have offered to pay for counseling for my sister, but she has declined.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice? Are there parenting classes (we're in the Twin Cities, MN, btw) that are reputable that are for at-risk families available for people? I tried doing some googling, but it was hard to find anything.
Just thought I'd add that what sparked this Q was that my sis and her BF have been facing eviction and found a charity that would pay their rent for them. The baby has been with my folks for 5 days while they were working all this out. My mom said my sister doesn't have any food and asked if I could bring her something. I called her and she said she wasn't home. She and her BF were going to the casino with some friends who gave them "a few dollars" to play with. They can go to the casino, but they can't pay $ 12 so their child can go to the doctor! It just makes me so angry!
MAC
Um, I suggest they find parents who care and can take better care of the baby. Maybe your parents should take the baby for awhile. That is not a good situation and doesn't sound like its going to get any better. I feel bad for that baby! I'm sure once more people start to notice the environment and the way the baby is being treated, they will call social services.
I have 2 neighbors who just had a baby that is about 3 months old. I run into the parents almost everytime I go to the bar and when I drive past the bar at 1PM, their cars are outside of it. They are alcoholics! The dad takes the baby for walks and tells me that he gets a case of beer and puts it in the cooler under the stroller and finishes it before he gets home with the baby. They've already taken the baby into the bar and sit at the bar and take shots while holding this thing... It's horrible and no one did anything about it until one day, someone finally did. Social services were called and that baby was taken away. Thank god!
ziggy
I think you should talk to your mom about telling your sister that the baby will stay with you or your parents and if they try to take the baby back to those conditions, they will call Child and Family Services. They should've been called at paragraph 1. You need to find protection for that baby. Child and Family Services more often than not prefers the child to stay with family so there's a good chance they would let the baby stay with your mom.
This happened to a girl I know, who got into drugs and alcohol, had a drug pusher for a boyfriend, same filthy environment. Her parents called Child and Family Services and the police. The baby went to stay with a sister.
wildflower
Ok, so I have worked for child services for years. Honestly what you and your parents ned to focus on is the baby...the baby is the only one that can't help herself. Contact child and family services...report EVERYTHING you wrote in here (especially the drug use). They will be able to help tremendously. They baby will probably be temporarily removed but your parents can ask to take the baby (the state prefers to have family members take care of the child). Your sister and boyfriend will be offered many services and assistance. The baby will be given immediate services as wll (doctor appointments and everything). It is a long road but your sister and her boyfriend will have to straighten up and get their act together and then they baby will be taken care of.
I know it is tough but this is the route that would help everyone involved. The baby would be taken care or and so would your sister. Your sister and boyfriend will get their baby back as long as they do what they need to do (this will most likely include drug testing, finding steady jobs, safe and secure places to live, probably sometime of couseling, and parenting classes!) It also gives them time to grow up.
Good luck!
Orignal From: What can I do if my sister is a bad parent to her 8 month old child? (long explanation)?
Post a Comment